I wanted to take this opportunity to say happy new year and share my journey with you over the last 3 years. Leaving 2016 and heading into 2017 was my 3 year anniversary on many levels. 3 yrs being sober, 3 yrs being vegan, 3 yrs since I moved to Sydney, 3 yrs since learning about Divine Truth and 3 yrs since I released my first ever music single Hope!
To celebrate this journey I have created a special remix of Hope with a bit of a twist. Over the last 3 years I have learnt many wonderful and beautiful truths about life and love that I want to share in this new remix. I have learnt that there is something more, something greater than hope and that is faith - a belief in something that you have personally experienced and know is true and will happen. Although hope can be a very positive tool in our lives it can also be fleeting and isn't built upon truth but is a wish for something that you are unsure will happen. This remix also gives me the opportunity to correct some of the errors in my beliefs about life that was contained in the original song because when I originally wrote Hope, I would say that I was in a pretty dark place, I was quite lost and seeking for something greater than what life was giving me. Ok let's face it, I was in a very needy place of wanting someone else to give me happiness, I wanted someone to make me whole and happy. I was seeking an external fix to internal issues that could only be fixed by me and something greater than me. In this new remix I have attempted to narrate a message that reflects God's Truth that I have learnt from Divine Truth teachings over the last 3 yrs. The truths I share are a mixture of quotes from Yeshua that I have collected from attending seminars and my own words of encouragement that its never to late to begin or start over when it comes to change, growth and healing. The remix is called Feel's Like Home (Hope) - Thaylia Twist and the title is taken from one of my favourite lyrics from the original 'I've said hello to my heart, and its the only place that feels like home'. I wanted to rename it because over the last 3 years this is exactly what I have been doing, I have spent time getting to know my heart and whats inside of it. For the majority of my life I have avoided my heart and was in an extreme amount of denial about the truth of my life. As a result I was in a lot of pain emotionally and when I finally had the courage to face and say hello to my heart I discovered that it wasn't fleshy and soft anymore, it was hardened and callused from all of the anger, resentment, hate, blame and shame that I had been pretending for so long didn't exist. I have chosen to release this song on the 26 Jan as it seemed like a fitting opportunity. To many this day is a celebration of this great land of Australia being home and to others it is a painful reminder of a home and a life that was once taken. I wasn't there when the first fleet rolled in or when they took the babies and I definitely have not endured the same amount of oppression of those gone before me, but as an ascendant of this ancient culture I do carry the unhealed emotions of my ancestors. On the 4 August 2015 I wrote in my journal 'When you go so deep into your soul to discover you are ashamed of your own existence'. And that has been the truth of my feelings in my heart. All my life I have had an unexplained feeling of not belonging, not fitting in, not feeling like I have a place that I can call home, I have also had a feeling of being abandoned by my mother or feeling like I will lose her but none of these have happened to me in my life, I have always had a roof over my head and always had my mother by my side growing up. It is only recently that I have come to understand through Divine Truth teachings that some of our emotional injuries are generational and are passed down from generation to generation from our parents, grandparents, great grandparents and so forth. All of these toxic emotions I had bottled up for so long about my family dynamics, my childhood abuse, the actions that I have taken that have caused harm to others and the damage that others have caused me emotionally were like a bottle ready to explode and explode is what it did like shit hitting the fan. It was everywhere, it was yukky, painful and I had to face it for real and face it alone. It was the first time in my life that I was completely alone, no partner, I was in a new city so I had no friends and I was estranged from my family. I had to finally own what was now mine despite however it got inside of me and I could no longer rely or depend on any external source to fix me. As I have allowed myself to go through this process I have felt for the first time in 2016 the sun come out from beneath the clouds, maybe for brief moments, nevertheless more than I have ever felt in my whole lifetime. It was as if I had taken my first gasp of air from a deep and suffocating sleep and my heart began to beat again. I have felt more connected to myself, more awake and more feeling. I have discovered more parts of my personality and nature, that I am not only funny (at least to me anyway), but extremely sensitive, a deep thinker and analyser and strong willed. All parts of my personality that I can remember were present through childhood but somehow got buried beneath the rubble. No I have not yet been able to release any causual emotions from my soul but I feel God has taken me through a very important process of slowly bringing me back to life and getting me out of denial and facing myself and I am certain there is more still to come. Until somebody makes a conscious decision to heal and break the cycle, these emotions will stay stuck in us and will continue to penetrate the souls of future generations. I have decided that I would love for the pain to end with me, that I will do all that is in my power to release the emotions inside of me that keep me locked up and stagnant. I want to heal and I want to love. The first step to healing is getting out of denial and ending the blame. Allow ourselves to connect with the pain that is inside of us and cry without blaming or holding onto our anger towards others. My friend Christiana describes this process beautifully in a recent post of her's: 'We are emotional beings, its our natural, god-given state. Tears are the essential tool for healing. Without tears we don’t complete the healing process of release. God gave us the ability to cry to wash our soul of the things that hurt us, that keep us imprisoned, that cause our pain and suffering, to restore our purity. A healing cry feels like a hose is connected to the pain in our heart and soul, it pours, gushes out unimpeded. It can be intense, involving our whole feeling body. There are waves of flow. The key is to trust the process and keep allowing the flow until its done. It feels deeply relieving and cleansing. Gradually, there comes a natural end, a disinct feeling of space, clarity and lightness arrives. Its like the sun coming out after a storm. Before, during and after the crying event, pray to receive Divine Love to fill your soul. A anger tantrum, a pity cry doesn’t give the same results. The motivation for this type of crying is not for healing, its a demand for others to be responsible to make us feel better. It causes more pain and disappointment. It’s part of a neverending cycle of suffering, until the motivation changes to something more honest. A healing cry allows us to resolve things without involving others...a part from God. Crying for healing, requires courage, openness, honesty, vulnerability to feel and surrender to the intensity of pain. If engaged fully, this can lead to the resolution of the pain. By controlling emotions, being stoic takes us into a place of denial. Denial creates disease and trauma. Denial is the thief that robs our hopes and dreams of a healthy future.' Read full post here It is no doubt that what happened with the colonisation of Australia it has had both positive and devastating effects which is still being felt today. As an Aboriginal Australian I have learnt that no matter what has happened to my ancestors or me in the past, or who did it, I now have a responsibility to heal myself today as no one else can do it for me. I have learnt that I cannot force others around me to change or give me the things that I want, I am the only one who has control over changing my life and healing myself. This has to come from a choice that I make regardless of what others do or don't do and that is what this new remix is encouraging to do. If you would like a free download of the song head to my Soundcloud. I have also put together a montage of my journey over music video making over the last 3 years where you will find behind the scenes footage of my music video shoots, bloopers and footage that didn't make the cut. Thank you for joining me on my journey into my soul. I wish you all the best for 2017 and may we all have the courage to say hello to our hearts because it is in this place that where our hope can transform to faith and we can begin the journey of healing back to our real home. Love Thaylia X Comments are closed.
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