Part 2 - My Life
At around the time I made the decision to see and speak to a counsellor almost a year had passed since I left high school and began my new job. During that time I had pretty much lost all contact with my friends and went through periods of extreme amounts of loneliness, so when I had an old friend A___ call up and invite me out with her friend G___, I jumped at the opportunity. The night arrived and A___ and G___ came and picked me up, although G___ also went to our high school I was not close to her and didn’t know her well but unbeknown to me that night would be the start of a decade long friendship and a pivotal moment that would lead me down a path I would never expect. From the moment I jumped in the car I was handed two little white tablets from G___ who tells me they are dexamphetamines, prescription medication that her younger siblings take for ADD, she often takes the bottles and sells them. Without hesitation I am an enthusiastic and willing participant. I soon begin to feel the rushes of the medication kicking in and instantly fall in love with the feeling. This would be my first taste of narcotics which would soon lead to ecstasy and amphetamines.
G___ and I surprisingly hit it off, I never would have imagined becoming friends with somebody like G___ as she was considered a part of the popular group at high school, she was stunning and I felt the complete opposite to that but we became inseparable and it felt as if she took me under her wing. Every spare moment we could get we would hang out with each other, almost every night of the week I would have her over for dinner and then we would go to the park and get stoned and then walk to maccas for more food, giggling and laughing along the way. Sometimes we would just go back to mine and have cornflakes, toast or milo and mum would say ‘you girls on cloud nine ay’ and we would giggle and tottle off to my room and just talk and laugh some more. G___ was a welcomed rainbow after many months of very dark and stormy clouds where I felt I didn’t have any friends in the world. She really lit up my life and for the first time in ages I felt I had someone to call my friend.
Somehow amongst all of the addiction and facade, we had moments of realness. We would end up having really deep and meaningful conversations about life and it was during these times I found out that she was a mormon and she would share her feelings about God and the purpose of life and slowly Nudgie and God began creeping back into my life. I became intrigued so much that I began to go to church with her and various church activities and family home evenings at C___ house. I immediately warmed to C___ , she was from Columbia and was a very passionate and interesting lady, she was also very mediumistic but she wasn’t allowed to practice her mediumship because of the church. It was at her family home evenings that the mormon missionaries would come over and we would eat and then they would share their message. I remember having a lot of resistance to their message because inside I was still angry at God and Nudgie and I hated religion. I would say but what about this or what about that and every answer they gave me seemed to make sense at that time but G___ and I still partied and took drugs and then we would go straight from the club to church so she could teach her Sunday school class.
Secretly inside I began to develop strong sexual feelings for G___, I secretly wished that we would be together but I never told her. There was one guy in particular that we met while we were out that picked up on it and he would tell her to be careful because he thought I was a lesbian. I denied it of course and said it wasn’t true but I think G___ felt it as well but we never spoke about it. I was still at this stage in much denial of my sexuality, I would still act as if I was interested in guys to push it away. We were heavily involved in the club scene in Perth going out most nights of the week and taking ecstasy almost every weekend and smoking marijuana to come down and sleep. The come downs from the pills in combination with marijuana was a toxic combination that really began to psychologically disturb me. I would become quite paranoid and silently nutty where I would have so many thoughts in my head, it was like my mind wouldn’t shut up and instead of the marijuana putting me to sleep I would lay for hrs seeing weird colours and shapes and just feeling crazy in general.
This went on for 9 months but the honeymoon period in our friendship began to wear off and as fast as we became inseparable we also began to drift a part. It was inevitable that G___ being as stunning as she was would end up meeting someone and she did. She met a a guy and began spending every waking minute with him and I was devastated. It was as if she had broken up with me and moved onto someone new, thats how I felt at least. Over this period I had begun to develop a close bond with her family, it was as if I was a part of her family now as I was over there a lot, and despite my drifting friendship with G___ I still spent time with them. One day I was really upset at the realisation that I was losing G___ as a friend, I was feeling broken and more lost than ever, the drugs were taking its toll on my physical and mental wellbeing and I felt like my world was falling a part.
I don’t remember what happened I just remember sitting with her mother in G___ bedroom crying and her mum said, do you want to speak with the missionaries? I will give them a call and they can come over. So I agreed. I was given my first discussions, what they teach to people who they are trying to convert. They asked me at the end of the first lesson if I would consider getting baptised. I said I’m not sure I will have to think about it. That night I went home and in the morning when I woke up I had these thoughts drop into my head, your gonna go on a mission and as soon as I had those thoughts drop into my head I had this overwhelming feeling of surety and joy that that is what I was going to do and from the feeling that I got I automatically assumed that the church must be true and I should be baptised. I went from one day being completely lost and on a path of destruction to now all of a sudden having a bursting desire to go and serve a mission for the mormons and I couldn’t wait to tell G___ parents and the missionaries that yes I wanted to be baptised.
I was 19 when I got baptised and it was on the 6 of Dec 1998. Although I had a couple of slip ups with drugs in the first year of my baptism once I made the decision to be baptised I immediately ceased all drug taking and partying and became a diligent ‘student’ of the ‘Gospel’. I woke up early to study the scriptures every day, I went to church every Sunday, and began to feel a deep love for God and Nudgie again. I began to feel like I had a purpose and that my life mattered, I felt a sense of belonging in the church, the members were warm and welcoming and made me feel like I was a part of a family and a community. My family on the other hand almost disowned me for becoming a mormon, both my mother and grandparents thought I was being brainwashed and becoming a part of a cult and tried their hardest to persuade me from joining the church. I didnt listen of course, when there’s something I want to do good or bad, no one can stop me. I felt that this was a very positive move for my life compared to the path I was on, the church gave me a reason to live and I just felt in my heart thats where I needed to be. I soon became an active member of the church, taking on church callings and making plans for my mission. Not long after joining the church I met a guy and got involved in a relationship. Of course there was no sex before marriage so we never went there but I had big dreams and goals for my life now, being gay was now a figment of my imagination and for the first time ever I was desiring to have a family and children, seven of them to be exact! I wanted to serve a mission, be the best servant of the Lord, come back and get married in the temple and have a BIG family! Or so I thought!
To be cont . . .
Recently I had the opportunity to participate in a podcast with Peter Howell the creator of the Divine Truth Podcast. It was awesome to chat with Peter having met him at the 2014 assistant group and have the opportunity to talk about my background and journey that led me to Divine Truth. If you would like check out his website you can visit www.divinetruthpodcast.com where you can listen to many different episodes and get to know others experience with Divine Truth.
UPDATE (29 Oct 16) : This podcast has been removed from the creator. To find out more head to the website link above.